Precious in the sight of the LORD...

"What shall I return to the LORD for all His goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all His people.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His faithful servants.

Truly, I am Your servant, LORD; I serve You just as my mother did.  

You have freed me from my chains."

~Psalm 116~

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October 25, 2015

We'll see you in a little while, DJ!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPT_Lh3c4ik

Happy Harvest

Hello, You!!  

Pumpkin patch photos are my favorite, and when Alexandra Bigelow rode the train and the bus from San Diego to Paso Robles for a weekend at home in early October, I marched us down to River K Pumpkin Patch for some family photos!  

The last day of this month will mark one year since DJ went to Jesus.  Wow.  I am grateful for how you are sensitive to this and for your ongoing love for our family.  Many of you have sent me cards and text messages and email to let me know you are thinking and praying.  Thank you very much.  I received a text yesterday that sums it up, at least in my experience:  "I have prayed for you and your children as I am sure this is a difficult week.  I am confident that Jesus is caring for you in immeasurable ways."

Oh, He is!  What an incredible blessing, to be cared for by Jesus in immeasurable ways!  Thank you, friends, every one of you who love and pray and encourage and support and serve us!  

I can't speak specifically for every member of the Bigelow family, because each one's journey is his or her own; but the overall feeling in my heart is one of healing and hope.  Alexandra is away from our immediate household, and I don't know that she plans anything different than her regular school schedule; but Brooke and Caedmon and I have an idea for how to spend October 31: Brookelow plans to skip the last two periods of school and have lunch with her friends; and Caedmon and I plan to skip the second half of our school and work day and play a round of miniature golf in DJ's memory.  The fact that it's Halloween makes the day easy, also, in that costumes and candy and cultural celebrations will occur.  I anticipate that God's grace will saturate our souls per usual.  I am confident that the LORD will never leave us or forsake us.

I am grateful for the life of DJ Bigelow.  I am grateful that he is granted a new body according to the power of Jesus to bring everything under His control.  I am grateful for the hope and the reality and the beauty of eternal life.  I am grateful for the thousands of blessings that the LORD bestows upon our circumstances here on earth until we join DJ and Jesus.  I am grateful for the three fantastic children that have come from the loins of DJ and Holly Bigelow. I am grateful for the healing and the growth that the Lord is granting to us.  I am grateful for the hope of things to come.

Thank you for praying for us, and please don't stop praying for us, and please also include DJ's parents Penny and Dan Bigelow and his sister-cousins Shannon and Tammy Bigelow and his aunt Patty Bigelow and his gramma "Nanny" Mildred Crabtree in your prayers.  And his other uncles and aunts and cousins, and my McDonald family members, and all of you his friends who grieve DJ's departure from the Earth.  One life touches many persons.

And thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.  I've been saying it since March 8, 2010 when DJ was first diagnosed: THANK YOU for loving us!!

Bonus photo:  on October 5, this little creature joined our home, thanks to Brooke Bigelow and the Woods Humane Society in San Luis Obispo.  The dog's name is Nigel Bottom (name that musical).  

Bonus photos: After and Before snapshots of Caedmon Van Bigelow's recent haircut.

Bonus photo: while Alex was riding the train home from San Diego, I sent her a text, "What are you doing?"  She cooperatively snapped a selfie for me

The end.  We love you!

And Then There Were Three...

Dear Friends,

I appreciate how much you love me and how patiently you wait for me to post to this site.  Thank you for loving me, and thank you for loving us!

Here is a verse that I can't get out of my head recently:  "God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with His Son Jesus Christ" (First Corinthians 1:9). I remember my momma saying in my early days, "Fellowship is two fellows in the same ship."  This verse makes me happy, because I really love fellowship.  I deeply desire to share in close communion with others; and I love it that in God's faithfulness, His primary call to me is not that I get my doctrine correct or that I follow rules or that I act religious.  God has called me into FELLOWSHIP! With JESUS!  Wow.  This is what life is all about.

Life is also about changes and growth, and that is occurring in our household. Alexandra Bigelow has begun her freshman year at San Diego State University; she is accepted to the Children's Theater program, and she seems to be fitting in very well to her new life.  Caed and Brooke and I miss her, but we are adjusting to our household of three.  Alex is well-placed at SDSU, and I feel healthy and peaceful in this new season of our lives.

Move-In Day: August 26, 2016

Alex brought as many books as her mother could carry up the hill and up three flights of stairs to her dorm room

Ready to go!  Go, Aztecs!

Momma only cried a little bit when it was time to say "Good-bye"

In other news of growth and development, Brooke Bigelow has advanced to the 10th grade in her high school career, and Caedmon Van Bigelow has begun middle school and the 6th grade.  They have both transitioned well to their respective school years.  I know that they would prefer to not attend school, but they are cooperative and diligent and hard-working.  They are pretty terrific kids.  More or less.  They're still rug rats, but they are terrific rug rats. 

I also continue to attend my place of employment cooperatively and diligently :-).  I enjoy my work very much at Paso Robles High School, and I am so grateful for a source of income and medical insurance and tons of fun!

And here is a little peek into HollyB's heart: I am happy to report that as time marches on since DJ went to Jesus, my heart is healing up.  It was in August particularly that I began to sense strength returning and healing occurring.  If you've paid attention to me for more than three minutes, you know that I am an emotional roller coaster generally speaking, when life is "normal'; and this past year in particular has been like a most intense roller coaster ride in the dark. So it's not to say that my emotions don't vacillate per usual; but - most of the angst and the more intense loneliness that I felt in the first nine months following DJ's physical death seem to be subsiding.  Oh, there's much more to report, and I am not free at this time to do so.  But Jesus is healing my heart, and I am grateful for His grace.

If you are so inclined, take a listen to this song by Chris Tomlin about Jesus. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEbQswNB6Wc 

The line that says "He carries my healing in His hands..." is true of me.  I am grateful.

I know that you pray for our family, and I cannot tell you enough times: thank you, thank you, thank you.  The support that we receive from ya'll is fantastic. We are blessed beyond measure and certainly without merit.  I am very grateful for the administration of God's grace to our family.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  You are EXCEPTIONAL  :-).

October 31 will mark one year since DJ went to Jesus.  Wow.  What a year. God's grace is sustaining us and blessing us.  

The End, for now.

Brookelow and CVB Summer Highlights

Hello, Friends!

Time is just a-flying by, and here it is already back-to-school time.  I would like to highlight some Brookelow and Caedmon Van Bigelow moments.

There is something stirring in Brooke Bigelow's heart, manifested by her desire to travel to foreign countries to serve young people and older people with Jesus' love.  There is a list hanging currently on the door of our refrigerator (I love lists!) that she and her friend wrote on a paper napkin: countries to which they want to travel so that they can love on people. 

This past June, Brooke and her friends Atiana and Esther spent a week in Mexico with a group from Atascadero Bible Church, accomplishing work projects for a local church and running a VBS program for local children.  Brooke enjoyed the time of her life, and she is very eager to return.  Also, she wants to go to Uganda; or Latin America, in general.  If you are aware of an upcoming opportunity for her to do so, please let us know.

Brooke, Atiana and Esther in Mexico

Brooke used her talents to entertain the VBS children

Brooke and two others were baptized while in Mexico

Brooke fell in love with the children

Caedmon Van Bigelow was VERY happy for summer vacation.  He considers "school" to be a bad word.  :-)  He spent his summer vacation doing many fun things: a week of camp at Hume Lake Meadow Ranch with his buddy Dylan; a week of family vacation with Mimi Penny and Poppa Dan in Angel's Camp, California; lots of leisurely time ball jumping and playing video games and sleeping in and relaxing.  And playing Pokemon Go!

Our last summer vacation "Hurrah!" was a trip to New York City, something we'd been planning since last December.  It was a lovely time altogether the four of us!  We visited the American Museum of Natural History, we took a bike tour through Central Park, we ate lots of yummy food (especially the cookies at Schmackery's!), and we saw three Broadway shows.  :-)  We are lucky ducks!

Thank you for loving us!

Next up: a new school year for Caedmon and Brooke, and Alexandra moves in to San Diego State University.

A High-School Graduate Among Us

High-School Graduate and Happy, Proud Momma

It hardly seems possible, but the day has come and gone: Alexandra No-Middle-Name Bigelow has graduated from high school.  The exciting event occurred Friday, June 10, 2016.  

PRHS Recipients of the Bi-Literacy Seal

The weeks leading up to the ceremony were busy and momentous: Alex and approximately 40 other Paso Robles High School 12th graders received the "Top Cat" award for being in the academic top 10 per cent of their class; this honor included the presentation of a medal which they wore for the graduation ceremony.  Alex and 36 others out of their graduating class of 413 students earned a bi-literacy seal on their diplomas and another medal to wear around their necks for the graduation ceremony.  Alex and the Paso High Theater Company performed a few final shows which were of particular importance to her since her drama family is the center of her universe.  Alex's drama teacher Marcy Goodnow awarded a VAPA cord to the Visual and Performing Arts students who have taken more than a thousand (or some inflated number) of VAPA classes, and so Alex had another decoration to wear for the graduation ceremony.

Alex flanked by her best buddies Amber and Bella

It was at one of those last theatrical performances that I especially felt the pang of DJ's absence, and the sadness of my kid's daddy not being present.  I cried a lot.  But by the time that the graduation ceremony itself rolled around a week later, I felt super happy and comforted that all of our family and many friends gathered to celebrate Alex and to support me.  It is good and healthy and right that Alex has graduated high-school and is preparing to fly away from our nest and become a college freshman. Hooray!  

Alex and Georgia Brown friends Cassidy, Bella, Jamison

Alex and Auntie Linda McCutcheon

Another fun pre-graduation something that occurred is a new tradition for Paso Robles High School, the elementary school walk.  All of the graduating seniors loaded up in buses and were transported to the local elementary schools from which they'd matriculated.  The elementary school kids lined the sidewalks of their campus while the seniors paraded through and waved and signed autographs.  It was super special to watch our kids who have come from Georgia Brown since kinder be the "celebrities".  And since Caedmon attended Georgia Brown, he was able to wave and hug his sister.  Preciousness.  :-)

Walking the "halls" of Georgia Brown Elementary School

And now it is summer vacation for the kiddos, which is a happy place for them all to be.  I am blessed with my full-time-with-medical-benefits job that I love, so I don't have the summer "off"; but I have plans for several fun trips to take with them.  I'm sure that the next 8 weeks will be fun and busy and we will make lots of happy memories.  

This post has been all-about-Alex, so I will highlight Brooke and Caedmon for you in the near future.

The end of this month will mark 8 months since DJ went to Jesus.  It is a strange place to be for me.  It is many different things in my heart and my mind and for our family.  Thank you for your prayers for us.  Please don't stop.  There are lots of smiles and we are so blessed and fortunate; but there are also tears and angst and other things.  I am deeply grateful for your support of and love for us.  Thank you.

I heard a performance recently of the song Imagine by John Lennon, and it made me very sad. Imagine there's no heaven?  Well, STINK!  I am not going to do that!  I am the most to be pitied, if there is no resurrection and no eternal life with Jesus and no new bodies and if sin and sickness and death and mourning are my forever reality! Forget that.

When I mentioned these thoughts to my friend Crystal Benyo, she suggested I Can Only Imagine instead, which makes me happy.  "Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?  Will I dance for You, Jesus, or in awe of You be still?  Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?  Will I sing 'Hallelujuah' - will I be able to speak at all?  I can only imagine...I can only imagine when all I will do is forever, forever worship You.  I can only imagine!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_lrrq_opng

"But our citizenship is in heaven;  and we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body" (Ephesians 3:20-21)."

As always, thank you - thank you - thank you - thank you - and thank you a thousand times more for loving us.  

Shout-out to Mary Sponhaltz...

Dear Friends, thank you so very much for your love for us.  I realize that it's been quite a time since I've posted, and this post is especially for Mary Sponhaltz, who told me she was experiencing blog-withdrawals.  I feel very loved!  

In the very near future, I will give you some family updates and lots of photos and a little bit of my heart.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for loving us.  We love you back!!