Four days post-op

Hello, Friends,

Thank you for loving us.  This has been a very "interesting" week, with lots of different experiences for DJ and for me.

Tuesday was a peaceful day for me, because, past 8:45 am, DJ was under the heavy influence of general anesthesia for all of the day.  And being under general anesthesia meant that he did not suffer with pain as much as has been his recent experience. And him not suffering with pain meant that my heart felt more peaceful.

The surgical procedure occurred without any emergency complications, although it took longer than anticipated to sew DJ back up, and longer than expected for him to wake up.  He was very sleepy!  Which is most likely the reason that he agreed to pose for this photo - he was under the influence.  :-)  Here we are, at approximately 1:30 pm on Tuesday, in recovery post-op.  He was awake, but he was loopy.  :-)

DJ slept most of the day after he was released from the surgery center; the anesthesiologist telephoned that evening to ask after him, and encouraged me to wake him up every 30 minutes until 8:00 pm.  He was very, very sleepy!  But sleeping meant that he wasn't in painful agony.

Our brother-in-law Scott Thomas Wittstock happened to have scheduled a visit for the very day that DJ went to surgery, coincidentally, and the timing could not have been better.  I returned to work the next day, Wednesday, but DJ couldn't have been left alone - the general anesthesia was still at work, and DJ needed assistance.  He slept most of Wednesday, as well.

On the one hand, the pain pump seems to have granted immediate benefit.  The doctor decreased DJ's oral narcotic pain meds by half; even so, DJ's pain was manageable.  He did experience some post-surgical discomfort, since now he has incisions and staples in his abdomen as well as a little box (the pain pump) under his skin but sticking out of his hip, covered with bandages.  But overall, the pain pump is doing just what we hoped for!  Hooray!!

Unfortunately, although the cancer-pain lessened considerably, the chemo-nausea ramped up like crazy.  If DJ wasn't sleeping, he was dry-heaving and suffering with terrible nausea.  He hardly moved on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, either sleeping or dry-heaving or curled up on the couch seeking relief from the nausea.  Neither did he eat very much it all.  He has taken a few short walks with Scott or with me in these days, but it seems that we traded out one yucky, difficult symptom for another.

By Thursday afternoon, with one point five days left of taking the chemo drug, he decided to forego the last three pills of the second cycle.  I was in wholehearted agreement!  Whatever good we hope that the chemotherapy is doing in getting rid of cancer is difficult to endure due to the horrible nausea that it causes.  DJ tried to attend his teams' home volleyball game, but by the time he got off the couch and washed his face and put on some clothes and rode in the car to the high-school and walked to the gym, he was in dry-heaving, nausea agony.  He gave the team a quick little pep-talk and we went home.  And he did NOT take chemo that night, or the next day (yesterday).  And I hoped and prayed that the nausea would go away.  (The Lady Bearcats won their match in 3 games - yahoo!)

Yesterday, Friday, our brother-in-law Scott took DJ to the surgery center for a 3-days-post-op wound check while I attended my job.  The surgical site is healing well, and I am grateful that there is no infection or complication there.

In the meantime, the pain management doctor increased the amount of Dilaudid being delivered from the pump straight-away into DJ's spinal fluid, and instructed DJ to completely discontinue the use of the oral Oxycontin.  So DJ went from taking 80 mg Oxy for the past months, to 40 mg Wednesday through Friday of this week, to no Oxy today.  

And now I wonder, even though he was somewhat "weaned" from the narcotic drug, that DJ is experiencing withdrawal.  He is very nonverbal, speaking only when he asks for a drink or for assistance; and he seems vacant and discouraged. He told me today the he is tired of feeling tired and not being able to do anything.  This makes my heart feel sad.  I expect that this emotional/mental depression is a result of withdrawal from the drug, and that therefore in the coming days his emotional/mental energy will improve.  This occurred last year, also, after DJ had been taking narcotic drugs for pain for 8 weeks in a row and then he STOPPED cold turkey (because he greatly dislikes how the narcotics mess up his digestion).  For about five days, his body was present but his zest for life and it felt like his soul were absent.  And then it got better, as his body adjusted to the absence of the addictive drugs.  So I intend and I expect that "This, too, shall pass."  I hope that by this time next week, the nausea will be gone since he will be a week out from chemotherapy, and the pain will be managed since he will be 10 days post-op and mostly healed from the procedure AND he will be receiving pain medication delivered locally and straight-away into the site, and his energy will return as his body regulates the medications.  This is what I expect and intend and pray will occur.

In the meantime, we have to live but one day at a time.  Today when I asked the LORD what I should do, He told me "Worship".  I agree.  So I sing songs in my heart and I remind myself of Jesus Christ and the Cross and I make a list in my mind of the things for which I am thankful.  And even in the sadness, my heart is at rest, because the LORD will never leave us or forsake us.  I know that God's grace, administered to us as you pray so faithfully and diligently and fervently, is sustaining us.  I think that's why it's called AMAZING grace.  :-)

Next up: Firefighter Friend Michael Orr plans to transport DJ to his check-in with oncologist Dr. Rosen at the UCLA, Sunday and Monday; DJ will attend two more post-op, wound-care check-ups at the surgery center on Tuesday and Friday; and I presume that he will be scanned sometime in early October.

AND - the LORD will never leave us or forsake us.  :-)  Hooray!  AND - "Blessed are those whose trust is in the LORD."  Yahoo!  AND - "…our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ - Who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body" (Philippians 3:20-21).  We have much in which to hope and rejoice!  :-)

With the intention of offering more illustrations to this article, I asked Alexandra to pose with a sleeping DJ - especially since she happened to be representing for the Seahawks that day!  :-)  Go, Hawks!  Tomorrow, we will WIN against Chicago!  

Thanks for loving us!

The end, for now.

Happy Tuesday

Good morning.  For the sake of DJ's pain relief, I am happy to report that DJ is being prepped at this moment for an outpatient surgical procedure, the implanting of a pain pump, at a surgical center in Santa Maria, California.  DJ's pain has been, in my estimation, relentless and excruciating.  Those are my adjectives; he does not speak much to describe what and how he is feeling; he offers no charts or graphs or detailed descriptions of what he is experiencing. Perhaps DJ would describe his pain as "Okay" or "Present", but "relentless" and "excruciating" are what I surmise as I watch and listen and live near to him. Which is the reason that I am very grateful and very hopeful that the results of today's procedure will offer relief to him.  I am very glad that you all are praying so fervently and diligently and regularly for DJ and for our family, because I can't imagine how much he would be hurting without your prayers!  Thank you very much!

As today is the 9th day of this second cycle of the clinical trial study drug, nausea also is a symptom he experiences.  After today, only 3 more days of ingesting the drug, and then 14 days "off"; at which time I am hopeful and expectant that the nausea will subside.

And then DJ is scheduled to undergo a scan in early October, before beginning a third cycle of the TAS-102.  I am very interested in the results of that scan, but I also feel patient with the process.  The LORD knows.  Ours is to trust and to stay near to Jesus and to live one day at a time.  

I anticipate that this morning's procedure, scheduled to begin at 9:00 am, will be complete by noon-ish. And then he'll have some days of post-op wound care. And pain-relief, I pray!

In family news, Alexandra Bigelow has been cast as the Dormouse in the Paso High Theater Company's upcoming performance of "Alice in Wonderland".  She is happy, happy, happy to be in rehearsals and preparing for a show.  That is the center of her happy world.  Her senior year of high-school is moving right along.  I wonder where she will be and what she will be doing one year from now.  :-)

Brooke Bigelow sustained a sprain to her ankle two weeks ago, just as her high-school volleyball season began.  It did not occur on the court or on the softball field or related in any way to sports - she and I stepped up onto a rather tall bathtub ledge in attempt to replace a shower curtain rod, Brooke lost her balance, and she twisted her ankle and fell backwards.  Poor kid.  She is a great cheerleader from the volleyball bench; and I pray that her ankle will heal quickly.

Caedmon Van Bigelow is not very happy with the fifth-grade.  If you feel inclined, will you please pray that he will "settle in" and find a peaceful place of being?  He doesn't seem to be consciously troubled by DJ's ill health, and his teachers report that he is happy and adjusted in class; but at home he wishes and wishes that he is not required to attend school.  I pray that the LORD will give us each what we need; I trust that God is doing that.  In happier news for him, the Paso Robles Public School District Athletic Director is bringing sports to the elementary schools, and today Caedmon will begin participating in Cross-Country at Georgia Brown Elementary School.  In other happy news, we celebrated Caedmon's 11th birthday recently.  I surely am glad that God has put him into our family!  All three of our children are so unique, and so precious, and such rugrats!  I love them.  

Because "A picture's worth a thousand words", I regret that I have no photographic images to offer you now.  An article with only black letters-words-sentences-paragraphs on a white page is not as desirable to me as text with illustrations.  I'll try to post some photographs soon.

Thank you for loving us!  Here is the promise that I am holding on to these days: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My Unfailing Love for you will not be shaken, nor My Covenant of Peace be removed, says the LORD, who has compassion on you" (Isaiah 54:10).  Amen.  I am grateful for words of hope.

Happy Tuesday!

Day by Day

Hello, Friends.

I am sorry to say that DJ's pain has not decreased at all, even though he is at the end of more than 2 weeks of not taking the chemotherapy study drug.  The general pattern of his life these days is that he attends his PRHS girls' volleyball practice or game in the late afternoon/early evening, then returns home in pain; at which point I offer as much pain medication to him as he will ingest, so that he can sleep away the pain or find a "comfortable" position by which to endure the pain.  I attend work and the kids attend school during the day, and DJ decreases the pain medication enough so that when it's time to head to volleyball in the late afternoon, he will be able to remain awake and clear-headed; which also means that this pain is high.  Sigh.  :-(

We visited on September 3 with Dr. Untal, a pain management specialist located in San Luis Obispo.  Dr. Untal has offered to surgically implant into DJ's body a pain pump, by which pain medication may be delivered in a targeted manner straight-away to the area of DJ's pain; this would allow the dosage to be decreased, and would save DJ's digestive and other systems from the large amounts of narcotic drugs that are systemically administered to curb the pain. DJ and I are grateful for this opportunity!  We needed to wait to receive the "Go ahead" from Dr. Rosen, UCLA oncologist who is administering the clinical trial chemo.  Dr. Rosen is in favor, and DJ has an appointment scheduled for tomorrow with Dr. Untal to take the first step toward the pain pump.  (I believe that blood work and pre-op tests will be performed, and then I hope, I hope, I hope that DJ will be scheduled very soon for the out-patient surgical procedure to receive the pain pump!)

DJ traveled last Thursday, September 10 to the UCLA to begin the second cycle of the study drug, but the clinic did not have the drug in their possession.  It has since been mailed to our home, and DJ will begin cycle #2 tomorrow.

If you have been following our story for more than a year, you may recall that last September DJ decided to alter his diet in hopes that eliminating or drastically reducing sugar and high-glycemic foods would chase the cancer away.  He did a marvelous job of holding to that diet, for a time, but he would sometimes complain that his food all tasted like cardboard.  Now he allows himself more of a "quality of life" menu, including ice cream and pudding (both of which help to settle his stomach when nausea is at work), and other foods such as pasta, Dr. Pepper sometimes, and an OCCASIONAL doughnut.  DJ doesn't take too many field trips away from the couch these days, but we did make a visit to SLO DO CO last week after we visited with the pain management specialist.  Which doughnut do you think he chose?

(PS - I don't mean to indicate that his diet is horribly, terribly SAD - the Standard American Diet; just that he allows himself some happy things to eat. He also eats in very small portions, because digestive difficulties are often at work.)

I am thankful that professional football is coming into its season, because that is something that gives DJ pleasure.  I am thankful for DJ's opportunity to coach volleyball, since that gives him a reason to get up and shower and shave and interact with people and move his body and be mentally and physically engaged.  I am thankful for your many prayers, because I continue to feel sustained and deeply peaceful (even though my heart is sad to see My Love suffer with pain).  I am thankful for our support network which is wide and deep - my freezer is stuffed to the brim with food and meals that friends have shared! I am grateful that the LORD will never leave us or forsake us, that God has the heart of a perfect parent and is completely and utterly to be trusted and followed and worshiped, and that we know the end of the story.  One day we will be given our new bodies that will be untouched by sin, kept away from sadness and suffering and sorrow!  Yahooo!  God's amazing grace and our future saturated with hope make my heart rejoice!

Thank you for loving us!

xoxoxo from HollyB

Those Who Hope in the LORD...

Hello, friends,

Well, it's a back-and-forth, who-knows-what-comes-next season of being for DJ Bigelow and his cancer/chemotherapy symptoms. Since last Saturday, it has seemed that his energy has increased in very small amounts and that his pain decreased from "excruciating" to "manageable".  But since yesterday, his pain has been so high - it makes my heart sad.  :-(  Nausea has come into play a teeny bit, but pain is the most significant factor.

So I am glad that we are scheduled to meet tomorrow for the first time with a pain management specialist.  I hope that Dr. Untal will have some groovy tricks in his bag, so to speak, in order to alleviate DJ's pain.  We shall see.

In the meantime, Isaiah 40:28-31 has fresh and beautiful meaning for me:

"Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The LORD is the Everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young people stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

This is my personal experience at this time - my strength is supernaturally renewed, and God is granting me amazing grace.  I am so grateful!

I pray that DJ is experiencing nearness to the LORD in profound ways, ways that he wouldn't be able to apart from his suffering.  I pray that the LORD is redeeming DJ's pain.  

Thank you for loving us and praying for us and supporting us and encouraging us.  We are blessed beyond measure.  

Aaaaa-men!