Is Anyone Out There?

Friends!  I have not posted to this site for five and a half years.  Instagram is a new and different platform; and life is busy; and I attempt to spend more time LIVING life than only displaying moments on social media.

But...here I am.  I want to share my heart. Things that I'm learning and thinking about and reflecting upon.  

"Is anyone out there?"  

"God sets the lonely in families..."

"(4) Sing to God, sing in praise of His name, extol Him who rides on the clouds, rejoice before Him - His name is the LORD.

(5) A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His Holy dwelling.

(6) God sets the lonely in families, He leads out the prisoners with singing...

(19) Praise be to the LORD, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. 

(20) Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign LORD comes escape from death."

~Psalm 68~

In the month before DJ went to Jesus, when I was facing in my own heart that he might leave us, the thing that struck me with sorrow primarily was, "Oh, my kids won't have a Dad."  And then I would think, "Oh, and I will be alone...but that's okay, I'll be fine - I have a thousand friends."

I didn't anticipate the loneliness that would set in to my heart.  And I didn't anticipate that I would feel so lonely in a crowd.  Usually, I love to socialize and flit around and visit and chit chat and "make my rounds" when in a group of people.  And it didn't occur to me that that would be any different without DJ.

But what I speculate now is that DJ was my anchor, and that our partnership and the safety of our relationship gave me my wings and the security that my heart needs to flit and fly about and be social.

But when DJ was gone, I was very very lonely.  And I particularly felt lonely in a crowd.  It was uncomfortable and unpleasant.

Now, I am happily married to a super duper wonderfully amazing man - and one of the many benefits I find is that, even when he and I are apart and I am in a crowd with some of my "thousand" friends, I don't feel lonely.  I feel anchored.  I feel the stability of a beautiful partnership.  And rather than feeling restless and jittery and lonely in a crowd, even if I'm temporarily without my partner, I feel that I have regained my wings (thank you, Karen DeLuca, for that description of what I'm experiencing).  How lovely, and how happy I am!  :-)  

Thank you, LORD, for blessing me with Jerel Haley!  

What Shall Be Done With This Site? (A homework assignment from Mary S)

Well, Howdy Doody!

The question is, what shall be done with "Happenings With Holly"?

My guess is that if this site were to slip quietly into oblivion, not much would change in the universe.

Except that recent conversations and contemplations are perhaps spurring me on to continue writing and sharing my heart.

Hmmmm....

Please cast your vote - do you prefer that I:

1) Let this site page slip quietly into Oblivion

B) Write something and post some photos

If B is your vote, please specify what you would like to hear and see.

Feel free to comment publicly at the end of this post, or to email me privately at "hollybigelow@charter.net".

Thank you for loving us, as always!

Alexandra loves to read and to float in the swimming pool

Brookelow proposed to Darth Vader

Who is this crazy kid?  Caedmon Van Bigelow

HollyB and Bun-Bun ("Lennie")

Happy January

Dear Friends,

We are blessed and sustained and moving and grooving, and overall we are doing well in the Bigelow family.  Our happy news is that DJ's parents Poppa Dan and Mimi Penny have moved to Paso Roles, and this brings much comfort and joy!  :-)  

I don't have terribly much to report - 

so I will offer photographic images instead of words.

Brooke and Alex and our friend Daniel Vigil, Pike's Place Market, Seattle, WA
November 23, 2016

My Momma Dr. McDonald gave me a tour of her campus, Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington; November 2016

Alexandra Bigelow is becoming a pro at riding the train back and forth between
San Diego and Paso Robles

We gathered in Renton, Washington, on Thanksgiving Day
with many of the members of the McDonald family.
Pictured here: the patriarch Scott McDonald with his progeny (minus Greyson Wittstock)

Caedmon is happy for any time to spend with his buddy Dylan Saunders
December 2016, Pyuallup, Washington

Brooke Bigelow performed with the Paso High Theater Company in a recent production of
"The Orphan Train", pictured here with her fans Joe and Crystal Benyo
December, 2016, Paso Robles

Brooke and her buddy Morgan enjoyed a Crowder concert
October 2016, Santa Barbara, Ca

Holly Bigelow, Yours Truly
November 2016, Paso Robles

Alexandra Bigelow
Big Sur, California, 2017

Three crazy Bigelow kids
San Diego State University, December 2016

"Grace and peace to you, from Him Who is and Who was and Who is to come; and from the seven-fold Spirit before His throne; and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth.  To Him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by His blood, who has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve His God and Father, to Him be glory and power for ever and ever. Amen!"

As always - thank you for loving us!  

Precious in the sight of the LORD...

"What shall I return to the LORD for all His goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all His people.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His faithful servants.

Truly, I am Your servant, LORD; I serve You just as my mother did.  

You have freed me from my chains."

~Psalm 116~

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October 25, 2015

We'll see you in a little while, DJ!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPT_Lh3c4ik

Happy Harvest

Hello, You!!  

Pumpkin patch photos are my favorite, and when Alexandra Bigelow rode the train and the bus from San Diego to Paso Robles for a weekend at home in early October, I marched us down to River K Pumpkin Patch for some family photos!  

The last day of this month will mark one year since DJ went to Jesus.  Wow.  I am grateful for how you are sensitive to this and for your ongoing love for our family.  Many of you have sent me cards and text messages and email to let me know you are thinking and praying.  Thank you very much.  I received a text yesterday that sums it up, at least in my experience:  "I have prayed for you and your children as I am sure this is a difficult week.  I am confident that Jesus is caring for you in immeasurable ways."

Oh, He is!  What an incredible blessing, to be cared for by Jesus in immeasurable ways!  Thank you, friends, every one of you who love and pray and encourage and support and serve us!  

I can't speak specifically for every member of the Bigelow family, because each one's journey is his or her own; but the overall feeling in my heart is one of healing and hope.  Alexandra is away from our immediate household, and I don't know that she plans anything different than her regular school schedule; but Brooke and Caedmon and I have an idea for how to spend October 31: Brookelow plans to skip the last two periods of school and have lunch with her friends; and Caedmon and I plan to skip the second half of our school and work day and play a round of miniature golf in DJ's memory.  The fact that it's Halloween makes the day easy, also, in that costumes and candy and cultural celebrations will occur.  I anticipate that God's grace will saturate our souls per usual.  I am confident that the LORD will never leave us or forsake us.

I am grateful for the life of DJ Bigelow.  I am grateful that he is granted a new body according to the power of Jesus to bring everything under His control.  I am grateful for the hope and the reality and the beauty of eternal life.  I am grateful for the thousands of blessings that the LORD bestows upon our circumstances here on earth until we join DJ and Jesus.  I am grateful for the three fantastic children that have come from the loins of DJ and Holly Bigelow. I am grateful for the healing and the growth that the Lord is granting to us.  I am grateful for the hope of things to come.

Thank you for praying for us, and please don't stop praying for us, and please also include DJ's parents Penny and Dan Bigelow and his sister-cousins Shannon and Tammy Bigelow and his aunt Patty Bigelow and his gramma "Nanny" Mildred Crabtree in your prayers.  And his other uncles and aunts and cousins, and my McDonald family members, and all of you his friends who grieve DJ's departure from the Earth.  One life touches many persons.

And thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.  I've been saying it since March 8, 2010 when DJ was first diagnosed: THANK YOU for loving us!!

Bonus photo:  on October 5, this little creature joined our home, thanks to Brooke Bigelow and the Woods Humane Society in San Luis Obispo.  The dog's name is Nigel Bottom (name that musical).  

Bonus photos: After and Before snapshots of Caedmon Van Bigelow's recent haircut.

Bonus photo: while Alex was riding the train home from San Diego, I sent her a text, "What are you doing?"  She cooperatively snapped a selfie for me

The end.  We love you!

And Then There Were Three...

Dear Friends,

I appreciate how much you love me and how patiently you wait for me to post to this site.  Thank you for loving me, and thank you for loving us!

Here is a verse that I can't get out of my head recently:  "God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with His Son Jesus Christ" (First Corinthians 1:9). I remember my momma saying in my early days, "Fellowship is two fellows in the same ship."  This verse makes me happy, because I really love fellowship.  I deeply desire to share in close communion with others; and I love it that in God's faithfulness, His primary call to me is not that I get my doctrine correct or that I follow rules or that I act religious.  God has called me into FELLOWSHIP! With JESUS!  Wow.  This is what life is all about.

Life is also about changes and growth, and that is occurring in our household. Alexandra Bigelow has begun her freshman year at San Diego State University; she is accepted to the Children's Theater program, and she seems to be fitting in very well to her new life.  Caed and Brooke and I miss her, but we are adjusting to our household of three.  Alex is well-placed at SDSU, and I feel healthy and peaceful in this new season of our lives.

Move-In Day: August 26, 2016

Alex brought as many books as her mother could carry up the hill and up three flights of stairs to her dorm room

Ready to go!  Go, Aztecs!

Momma only cried a little bit when it was time to say "Good-bye"

In other news of growth and development, Brooke Bigelow has advanced to the 10th grade in her high school career, and Caedmon Van Bigelow has begun middle school and the 6th grade.  They have both transitioned well to their respective school years.  I know that they would prefer to not attend school, but they are cooperative and diligent and hard-working.  They are pretty terrific kids.  More or less.  They're still rug rats, but they are terrific rug rats. 

I also continue to attend my place of employment cooperatively and diligently :-).  I enjoy my work very much at Paso Robles High School, and I am so grateful for a source of income and medical insurance and tons of fun!

And here is a little peek into HollyB's heart: I am happy to report that as time marches on since DJ went to Jesus, my heart is healing up.  It was in August particularly that I began to sense strength returning and healing occurring.  If you've paid attention to me for more than three minutes, you know that I am an emotional roller coaster generally speaking, when life is "normal'; and this past year in particular has been like a most intense roller coaster ride in the dark. So it's not to say that my emotions don't vacillate per usual; but - most of the angst and the more intense loneliness that I felt in the first nine months following DJ's physical death seem to be subsiding.  Oh, there's much more to report, and I am not free at this time to do so.  But Jesus is healing my heart, and I am grateful for His grace.

If you are so inclined, take a listen to this song by Chris Tomlin about Jesus. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEbQswNB6Wc 

The line that says "He carries my healing in His hands..." is true of me.  I am grateful.

I know that you pray for our family, and I cannot tell you enough times: thank you, thank you, thank you.  The support that we receive from ya'll is fantastic. We are blessed beyond measure and certainly without merit.  I am very grateful for the administration of God's grace to our family.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  You are EXCEPTIONAL  :-).

October 31 will mark one year since DJ went to Jesus.  Wow.  What a year. God's grace is sustaining us and blessing us.  

The End, for now.

Brookelow and CVB Summer Highlights

Hello, Friends!

Time is just a-flying by, and here it is already back-to-school time.  I would like to highlight some Brookelow and Caedmon Van Bigelow moments.

There is something stirring in Brooke Bigelow's heart, manifested by her desire to travel to foreign countries to serve young people and older people with Jesus' love.  There is a list hanging currently on the door of our refrigerator (I love lists!) that she and her friend wrote on a paper napkin: countries to which they want to travel so that they can love on people. 

This past June, Brooke and her friends Atiana and Esther spent a week in Mexico with a group from Atascadero Bible Church, accomplishing work projects for a local church and running a VBS program for local children.  Brooke enjoyed the time of her life, and she is very eager to return.  Also, she wants to go to Uganda; or Latin America, in general.  If you are aware of an upcoming opportunity for her to do so, please let us know.

Brooke, Atiana and Esther in Mexico

Brooke used her talents to entertain the VBS children

Brooke and two others were baptized while in Mexico

Brooke fell in love with the children

Caedmon Van Bigelow was VERY happy for summer vacation.  He considers "school" to be a bad word.  :-)  He spent his summer vacation doing many fun things: a week of camp at Hume Lake Meadow Ranch with his buddy Dylan; a week of family vacation with Mimi Penny and Poppa Dan in Angel's Camp, California; lots of leisurely time ball jumping and playing video games and sleeping in and relaxing.  And playing Pokemon Go!

Our last summer vacation "Hurrah!" was a trip to New York City, something we'd been planning since last December.  It was a lovely time altogether the four of us!  We visited the American Museum of Natural History, we took a bike tour through Central Park, we ate lots of yummy food (especially the cookies at Schmackery's!), and we saw three Broadway shows.  :-)  We are lucky ducks!

Thank you for loving us!

Next up: a new school year for Caedmon and Brooke, and Alexandra moves in to San Diego State University.