"The Story We Find Ourselves In"

(Alex, Brooke, and Caedmon in a tree: February 2010)

I love a good story.  I love to read, because books are filled with stories.  I love to meet new people and ask, "Will you tell me your life story?"  The time that I'm most interested in whatever DJ may be watching on ESPN is when an athlete's story is being told (more than when a sporting event is being telecast).  I want to study sociology and anthropology and psychology because I find people and their stories exciting and interesting. I love a good story! 

And, I love to tell a good story, in my own manner.  :-)  In many ways, this web log is my story: the happenings of HollyB's life - and because DJ's life is intricately a part of my own (as well as that a web log is an easy way to disseminate mass information), this is a groovy place for me to share with you this significant chapter in his, and in our, life story.

(HollyB and DJ after having worked a softball field-day in the rain:

January 2010)

I lay in bed one night last week, just as DJ and I were falling asleep, thinking about story and about this blog and about the things I wanted to share with you next.  All of a sudden, I burst out laughing - not chuckling, not softly shaking with silent humor, but with "BA-HAW-HAW!" laughter.  "What?" DJ asked, in that I'm-just-about-to-fall-asleep-why-the-heck-are-you-bothering-me? tone.  The reason that I was struck with such humor was that I tried to imagine how this blog would read if he were the one telling the story instead of me.  Perhaps it would sound something like this:

"I have colon cancer.  I had a surgery to remove it.  I'm taking chemotherapy." 

Those of you who prefer succinct, dispense with the details, straight-to-the-point, get-on-with-it-so-that-we-can-move-on-to-something else, might not find much joy in reading the details of the story I've been crafting.  You might wish that DJ is the one informing the world of his health and progress.  Then again, you probably aren't even bothering to read "Happenings with Holly".  :-)    But for those of you who are 1) interested in the details of DJ's progress with colon cancer and/or B) interested to hear about the story we are finding ourselves in (from my very own perspective), thank you for reading!  I find great joy in communicating in this way; you are a great audience!! 

Clearly, Alexandra and Brooke and Caedmon are a greatly significant part of my life story, as well.  So this post includes photographs of the kidlets.  I know that many of you pray for them and wonder about them and love them and care for them; thank you!  They are doing just as well as can be.  Rugrats, every one!  :-)

(Brooke took this picture of Caedmon

to enter into an art exhibition at her elementary school;

she entitled it, "Springtime Smile"  :-)

(Brooke and HollyB in garrish orange jerseys;

Atascadero Greyhound fans would appreciate us!

January 2010)

(Alexandra and DJ playing Wii boxing: January 2010)

(Three cute kidlets - Alex, Caedmon, Brooke: February 2010)

I close by giving credit to whom it is due: the title of this post "The Story We Find Ourselves In", is the title of a book by Brian McLaren - who, incidentally, is a great storyteller!  :-)

The End, For Now.

How's It Goin'?

Are you interested to know how DJ's first week post chemotherapy has been?  Here I am to inform you!  Days 1-4, Monday through Thursday (May 17-20) were the times he experienced negative side effects the most significantly.  Specifically: extreme fatigue, almost perpetual queasiness and a few waves of nausea, continued but not extreme weight loss since his surgery, and some peripheral neuropathy; as well as some flu-like achiness.  Mostly, he seems to me much the same as I felt in the first trimesters of all three pregnancies!  Overall, he felt "sick" but not miserable.  He even went to work on Thursday and Friday for 6 and 7 hours respectively; after which he came home and collapsed in exhaustion onto the couch.  Here is a picture of the couch where he spends much of his resting time:  DJ is not pictured, since he is growing weary of me snapping photographs of him at every turn - so Brooke posed for me.  :-)  (She's trying to act sickly; she is a silly goose!)

By the weekend, DJ began to feel slightly better.  He discontinued use of the prescription anti-naseau medication, and we even took a long day-trip on Saturday to Los Angeles, stopping by in Camarillo to visit with our sweet friends Kathy and Mark Brahmer, who were "in town" from Washington state visiting their family and friends. 

DJ, Kathy B, HollyB, and Mark B in Camarillo, California

This second week since DJ's first round of treatment has found him feeling mostly "normal".  His energy levels are mostly high, and he will have worked a 40-hour week by the time the weekend arrives (the day shift, Monday through Friday, on "light duty" in the station).  He and Joe Benyo even fit a round of golf in on Monday.  The week has been busy with end-of-the-school year activities to attend for the kidlets, which keeps life with the Bigelows "normal" and well-stimulated.  (I see that I've used the word "normal" in quotation marks twice in this paragraph.  What does that mean?  :-)  What IS normal?  Ha!)  DJ is still experiencing some...uh, shall we say, particular digestive and GI-tract phenomenons; but in the interest of protecting his privacy, I'll not share those details.  All in all, he is doing peachy keen!  We have a fun weekend planned upcoming with different events and playdates, including a short visit from "Mimi Penny and Poppa Dan"; and round #2 of chemotherapy will begin on Tuesday June the first (Happy Birthday to Casey Leanne Page!!). 

I continue to educate myself and to become as informed as possible about colon cancer and chemotherapy.  In so doing, we realize that the negative side affects of the treatment may be cumulative - that his experience with this first round may become more difficult as he receives the treatments over the course of the prescribed twelve.  Thank you for your prayers and love and concern and helpfulness and well-wishes on our behalf.  God's grace is beautiful and abundant; I am humble and grateful.  We are blessed beyond measure!  The end, for now. 

HollyB and Brookie Cookie pose in silly fashion

Chemotherapy Treatment #1

Howdy, Ya'll!

As you know, DJ began his first round of chemotherapy yesterday, Monday, May 17, 2010.  After consulting with Dr. Bonis for a time (because I had a list of questions to ask :-), oncology nurse Valerie drew blood for baseline labwork; DJ was administered three pre-treatment medications, whose main purpose is anti-nausea; he spent 2 hours reading and listening to Delirious on the i-pod while the Oxaliplatin coursed through his blood vessels; then he received a "push" of the 5-FU; and somewhere in there he received Leucavorin, a vitamin B-based drug to help enhance the success of the chemotherapy treatment.  Lastly, he was attached to a pump, a little machine that he wears around his waist in a fannypack and which administers the 5-FU at specifically regulated times (perhaps every 10 minutes?  I haven't paid attention) before being released to go home.  All of this work took place with only one prick through his skin into the port, rather than with mulitple needlepricks for blood draws, meds, and chemotherapy.  Hence, the purpose and the beauty of the port.  It is intended for DJ to be attached to the pump for 46 hours, so we will return to Dr. Bonis on Wednesday for him to be disattached.  Altogether, that equals one treatment of "modified FOLFOX 6".  Twelve treatments in total is what is prescribed to him, at every-other-week intervals.  We will return on June 1st (since Monday May 31st is a federal holiday) for round #2.

Thus far, DJ has felt uncomfortable with flu-like symptoms: body aches, fatigue, and general discomfort.  He is taking a prescription drug for anti-nausea, and I'm treating him like a first-trimester pregnant woman: eat small meals very often, take naps, get moderate exercise, and the like.  He isn't too very happy about having to pack around the pump, or to sleep with it; but at least that only lasts for 2 days out of a 14-day cycle, so hopefully it will be manageable.  He is not scheduled to go to work this week, since he just doesn't know how harsh the chemotherapy will treat him or how fantastic and healthy he will feel.

Here is my "I'm thankful" list:  * I am thankful for the Oncology/Hematology Clinic right here in beautiful downtown Paso Robles, built in only the last 5-or-so years; how easy it is for us to drive 2.5 miles from our house and to be able to come-and-go during DJ's treatment.  * I am thankful for DJ's employer and supervisors who are allowing him to work as he is able.  *  I am thankful for the many, many co-workers, friends, family members, and fans of the Bigelows who continue to pour God's grace onto us and to bless us with love and affection and meals and childcare and words of encouragement and offers for assistance.  We are blessed, beyond measure and without merit. 

The End, for now. 

A Blog Post about Blogging (in the interest of the WWU class taught by Dr. McDonald)

The web log is an interesting phenomenon, one which I have not studied but do utilize and appreciate.  Here are some of the reasons for my utilization and appreciation:

#1 - A blog is an easy, user-friendly, and time-saving way to disseminate information to the masses.  When life is "normal", posting photographs of our children to the blog lets the grammas and grampas and aunts and uncles and friends and loved ones share in the life and times of the family.  When life gets crazy (for example, when one's husband is diagnosed with colon cancer and undergoes surgery and chemotherapy for treatment), access to the Internet and the use of the blog allows one to share, with as many persons as possible, up-to-the-minute information about the craziness.  Posting to my blog takes far less time than telephoning every single one of my many friends and family, each of whom I love and appreciate and with whom I want to communicate.  As well, posting pictures to the blog allows you, the reader, to share visually in the moments of my life. 

B) - When DJ was in the hospital for those 5.5 days of surgery and post-operative recovery, I took the opportunity to describe in detail via my blog what was taking place with his health and body; and in so doing I wondered a couple of times, "Is this TMI?  Should I be more succinct, in case my fan club doesn't really care much about all these details?"  It was there that I came to appreciate the blog and the blogging for its use as a "live journal", because the way that I personally process life is mostly with my WORDS.  I've decided that it was just fine and dandy for me to write as many details about what we were (and are) experiencing with DJ's cancer and treatments and life in general, since it is therapy for me (as long as I don't violate anyone else's right to privacy)!  In the interest of passing along information to ya'll, I was also aided in my own search for well-being and harmony and balance and mental health.  Hooray!

And now I think that I should also take the class at Western Washington University, taught by my momma, about blogs and/or blogging.  What are you learning, Students?  :-)

PET Scan results, and Props to the Surgeon!

Hello, Everyone Whom We Love!

As we traveled toward Twin Cities Hospital on Monday, May 10, prepared for DJ to undergo minor outpatient surgery for the placement of a port, the office clerk of Dr Bonis (our oncologist) telephoned to report to DJ that his PeT scan is "normal".  Beyond the information that there are no abnormalities, I'm not exactly sure what "normal" means.  When we consult with Dr. Bonis next Monday before chemotherapy treatment begins, I will ask him a thousand questions to obtain as much education as possible in this lil' pea brain of mine.  :-)  In the meantime, it seems that "normal" is GOOD!  Hooray!  We're normal!  (Well....)

And now I'd like to give recognition and applause and proper respect to DJ's surgeon Dr. David Bolivar, pictured above.  Dr. Bolivar has become a significant part of my life story, because he is the one who successfully removed 12-14 inches of DJ's colon, along with a mass of cancer.  He is also the one who performed the surgery Monday to insert a port into DJ's (very handsome) chest.  During these blogging days, I've wanted to protect David Bolivar's right to privacy - but I was very excited when he agreed to be the subject of this photographic shoot - just before DJ was wheeled into surgery at 1:30 p.m..  Isn't he adorable!?! Thank you, Dr. Bolivar, for your skill and work at bringing health and healing to DJ's life!  We appreciate you!

(See DJ's initials there for pre-op holding room #3,
surgery scheduled for 13:30 hours?)

The procedure itself took only 45 minutes-or-so; admittance and pre-op and recovery and discharge were three times as long.  DJ opted for less rather than more anesthesia, so he woke up fairly quickly and was eager to be discharged ASAP.  Perhaps he has had his "fill" of spending time in the hospital.  Dr. Bolivar told me that the procedure was uneventful and that DJ cracked jokes and was his funny self.  Hooray!

Here are some snapshots of the surgical site, and DJ explaining to Alex and Brooke what took place.  The orange-Kool-Aid-looking stuff splashed across his chest is the skin antiseptic.  The girls told DJ that he looked like an Indian (I think they meant "Native American", or "First Peoples" :-). )

If you look closely just beneath the incision, you may be able to notice a small bulge; that's the port.  It is attached to a catheter that was plumbed into DJ's vein (not artery), through which blood can be drawn and chemotherapy can be administered more easily than multiple pokes into the veins in DJ's arms.  He is especially happy to not be taped and then to have his hairy hands and arms RIPPED when the tape is removed.  That's what DJ dislikes most about IV's. 

The muscles in DJ's shoulder and back have been sore and uncomfortable since the surgery Monday, but the pain is manageble and lessening day by day.  He is very eager to return to work.  He has been approved for "light duty - do not lift more than 15 pounds" - which means that he can't wear his 25-pound utility belt or perform his usual police officer duties; but he is able to do some other things that will be assigned to him.  "Projects", I speculate.  Four weeks ago today, he received a "low anterior colon resection"; and today he returned to work.  Hooray!  Thank you, God, for healing and grace!  We are blessed, beyond measure and without merit!  Next Monday, May 17, we will arrive at Dr. Bonis' office for consultation and chemotherapy treatment #1 (of 12).  The end, for now.  :-) 

Softball and Surgery

This weekend was filled with Brooke's end-of-the-season tournament.  Here's a snapshot of DJ and the other coaches "strategizing"; and of Brooke in the dugout waiting her turn at bat.  I am happy to report that DJ's post-surgery recovery is coming along nicely.

Here's a pretty shot of Alexandra and her friend Georgia at the game; and here I am, as well, cheering on the "Royal Blues" to victory. (That's Penny Bigelow beside me.)

Please pray for DJ tomorrow, as he is scheduled for outpatient surgery at Twin Cities Hospital in Templeton.  Dr. Bolivar will implant a port-a-cath (sp?) into his chest, just below his collarbone, by which DJ will receive chemotherapy treatments.  The procedure is minor, but altogether the process will be approximately 6 hours, including recovery and waking up from anesthesia.

DJ received a PeT scan last Friday, and I am eager for the results.  Is there yet any cancer left in his body?  Might it have been completely eliminated by the April 14th surgery? I will do my best to learn these answers first thing tomorrow morning!

In the meantime, thank you for your love and support and prayer and concern on our behalf.  "God is our refuge and strength; an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."  (Psalm 46)

The End, for now.  :-)

Three Weeks Post Op

Today marks the third week since DJ underwent a colectomy to remove cancer from his colon.  I didn't remark last week upon his recovery from the surgery; partly because "chemotherapy" was taking up my energy, and partly because you probably did not want me to share with you the details of what was oozing from DJ's surgical site.  But I will tell you that his strength is slowly returning, his incision is slowly healing, he is spending slightly less time off the couch and "up and around", he no longer walks with a cane, and he has almost eliminated the use of pain medication.  There's one little spot just below his belly button, about the size of a nickel, and another the size of a dime, that are still...well, I'll spare you the details.  :-)  Please continue to pray for his complete recovery, especially because the oncologist told us that any sores such as DJ has won't heal once chemotherapy begins.  If you scroll down just a little further, I have posted a photo of DJ's owie.....  Just Kidding!  Do you think he would ever allow me to do that?  :-) 

We visited with Dr. Bolivar today, who told us that DJ is healing well and looks "Great!".  He explained to us the use of a port - a device that will be surgically inserted just below DJ's collar bone in an outpatient procedure next Monday, into which the IV will be connected every other week for DJ to receive the chemotherapy treatments.  In addition, DJ has been scheduled for a PeT scan on Friday in order that the oncologist can check him out alllll over for any other occurrences of carcinomas. 

Here you can see myself, Holly Lisa McDonald Bigelow, along with my good buddy Happy.  Now I'm going to go to bed and sleep for a looooooooooooong time!  :-)  We love and appreciate you, every one!

Day by Day

Hello, All!  This has been an interesting week as DJ and I have digested the "chemotherapy" news, and have begun to process and research what that may mean for him and for our family in the coming months.  I am taking it upon myself to be as informed and educated as possible about colon cancer and about the "mFOLFOX 6" combination of drugs that the oncologist has prescribed for DJ.

Generally speaking, I am philosophically opposed to chemotherapy, in that coursing poison through one's body in order to kill the cancer is so harmful to one's healthy cells. Practically, I am in favor of chemotherapy in order that the cancer in DJ's body may be eliminated. What a dilemma I face! And what a journey DJ faces :-(

DJ and I feel that chemotherapy is a good course of action at this time, having weighed and considered the implications and possibilities. In addition to DJ's receiving chemo, though, I am on a mission to radically alter his diet in order that he may gain the most and best possible nutrition and good health while he endures the life-ravaging-ness of chemotherapy. I pray that the cancer cells will die and that the healthy cells will live, but I know that the nature of chemotherapy is to damage many of the cells.  I am praying that God will direct the drugs toward the cancer in DJ's body, and keep the drugs away from his healthy cells.  :-)  And I will do my part to nourish and strengthen his body and to boost his immunities.

This is intended to begin May 17, and to occur every other week thereafter for 12 treatments.  What about DJ's overall health and well-being, and his ability to work?  We just don't know; hence, the subject title of this post.  We'll have to take it day by day.  "The Serenity Prayer" is good to live by:  "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference; living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.  Amen."  I am happy for this lovely day - the sun shone bright and warm, we are alive and mostly healthy and blessed and sustained.  Hooray for today!!

In the interest of decorating this post with illustrations, here is a picture of Caedmon Van Bigelow, taken three days ago on our way to Brooke's softball practice.  He wanted to eat a cookie, and I insisted on something "fresh and alive" first.  He bit into the green pepper in apple fashion, in order to earn the "Joe-Joe".  :-)

Here are some cute snapshots of Alexandra and Brooke when they visited us in the hospital two weeks ago.  The hospital cafeteria wall has this pretty mural upon it, and we thought it was perfect for snapping some shots.  I especially like the picture in which Alex is desperate to escape Brooke's affection.  :-)

And speaking of the kidlets, we have casually informed the girls about "chemotherapy"; and I know they have heard us discussing it with each other and with others.  I don't know that they understand the full implications of "cancer" and "chemotherapy", never having experienced it closely.  I presume that your prayers and love and the grace and faith that is filling our home are protecting them from deep grief or untold sorrow.  As far as I can tell, their well-being is high and their stress level is low.  Please feel free to pray that God's grace will saturate their souls and flood their hearts as we experience DJ's chemotherapy together in the coming months.  Thank you for loving us!

The end, for now.  :-)