Merry Christmas!!

Dear Family and Friends and All Who Love Us -

Thank you!  Thank you for loving us and encouraging us and caring for us and supporting us!  "May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with you all!"

I am so grateful for the gifts of life, and light, and hope, and purpose, and love, and joy; and I am so grateful for the many people and relationships which fill my life with goodness.  I am mostly grateful for the gifts of grace and mercy that God has granted us abundantly in Jesus Christ.  We are blessed beyond measure!

How wonderful it is, also, to love my husband DJ and to watch our children grow and become their own persons; I love our family!

Alexandra is 14 years old and doing very well in her freshman year of high school.  The highlight of her days is her drama class and the time she spends enjoying musical theater and the like.  Alex is generous and responsible and kind to children, and I appreciate her very much.

Brooke "Brookelow" Bigelow is 11 years old and doing very well in her 6th grade year at Flamson Middle School.  I am happy to have a few-months break from softball, but I'm sure she'll be back in the softball saddle very soon.  Brooke is intelligent and witty and dramatic and hilarious, and she makes me laugh!

Caedmon Van Bigelow is 8 years old in the 2nd-grade at Georgia Brown Elementary School.  He is doing very well acquiring Spanish as a second language.  Caedmon is cautious and rule-following and sensitive and conversational, and I think he is adorable. 

DJ Bigelow took 34 rounds of localized radiation to his lung from late October through December 17, simultaneous to a pill-form of chemotherapy.  He tolerated the treatments very well with minimal side-affects.  DJ's oncologist has given him a 2-week break and has prescribed a year or more of maintenance chemotherapy as well as another targeted drug, in the attempt to rid DJ's body of cancer (to begin December 31).  In the meantime, I am deeply grateful for the grace and the goodness of the LORD poured out upon DJ and our family.  Yahoo!  DJ is a fantastic, amazing father, and he is such a funny man!  I like him :-).  I am grateful and happy to have been married to him for these 19.5 years.

DJ's gramma Mildred Crabtree, a.k.a. "Nanny", is 90 years old and has remained in our home these 11.5 years.  She is very lucid and generous, and she loves the Lord. 

I am happy to be the household manager and domestic engineer of our family.  I love the town of Paso Robles in which we've been planted for almost 10 years.  I long to know Jesus more and to be a vessel of God's grace and goodness.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, our precious friends!  Thank you for loving us!

 

xoxoxo With love and affection, from HollyB

Happy Thanksgiving!!

"Let's start this one off well.  For once you will hear the truth and not be led astray by the flowery language and multi-syllable words.  So let's just stop and listen to the things that are important....keep listening...don't stop..........................................................the end.  Wasn't that better? Now just look at the pictures and think happy thoughts."  

(~DJ Bigelow~)

Caedmon Van Bigelow enjoying the ocean of San Simeon, California
October, 2012

DJ Bigelow giving Brookelow a squeeze
San Simeon, California

Alexandra Bigelow and lots of leaves in our backyard
November, 2012

Hooray for Fall!

Brooke Bigelow poses amidst the leaves

Caedmon Van Bigelow

The leaves in our backyard are shaped in a smiley face

"Let's have a leaf fight!"

Dear Everyone,  Has it ever happened before this that my husband DJ Bigelow has actually typed words into a post of this blog with which to communicate to you?  No, it has never occurred prior to now.  But if you look to the very top of this post, the words in quotation marks are his own; and typed by his own fingers.

To his words I will add a report:  After 18 rounds of radiation and 17 days of Xeloda (a pill-form of chemotherapy used especially to treat metastatic breast and colorectal cancers), DJ is faring remarkably well!  I am so happy and pleased at how healthy and strong his body is, and how grandly he is managing the effects of this treatment!  He continues to work in a modified "light duty" status with the Paso Robles Police Department, and he hasn't ever needed to miss work to stay home with illness.  Hooray!  I am very grateful that this is so, and I thank you humbly and fervently for your prayers and well-wishes and expressions of love and encouragement.  We are blessed beyond measure!  The grace of God is abundant and beautiful!  Thank you for loving us!

I expect that DJ will be given another 15-or-so rounds of radiation and that he will be finished by approximately December 14.  I hope that the laser beams aimed at DJ's pulmonary tumor will obliterate the malignant cells, that the chemotherapy will prevent any such cells from spreading, and that he will become increasingly healthy and strong and able.  I am sure that whatever happens, the LORD will never leave us or forsake us and that God's grace will continue to sustain us.  I pray that we will be drawn ever closer to and radiate ever more brightly the beauty of Jesus Christ!  Aaaaaa-men!

First, the Good News

 Hello, Everyone Whom We Love!  Thank you for visiting us here. 

Some discoveries have been made as the result of a PET/CT scan performed on DJ on October 2, but before I tell you about that, I must tell you the good news!

But before I tell you the good news, I need to remind you of the REALLY, REALLY good news:  That the Designer and Creator and Sustainer of the universe is also the lover of our souls! That the LORD will never leave us or forsake us! That there is no place we can go where God isn't already.  That in Jesus Christ we are un-condemned, completely accepted, and free!  That God is working all things for His glorious purposes according to Christ Jesus!  That one day we will receive health, energetic, strong, immortal bodies with which to run and jump and climb and swim and hike and twirl and dance and worship the LORD forever and ever -  no wonder I feel so peaceful and grateful and hopeful :-).

Regarding DJ's bodily health, the good news is that he continues to regain strength and to recover from the affects of chemotherapy now that 12 rounds of FOLFIRI are increasingly in the past; and the good news is that modern medicine and advancements in technology allow us to look into his body to see where cancer may be residing before it causes him great harm; and the good news  is that his body is not overtaken by cancer, and that there are no indications of tumors in the liver or other organs or places.

The other news is that a little tumor has been detected, and it seems to be in the lung, and it has tested positive to cancer in a lung biopsy performed October 12, 2012.  Since its discovery, there has been much discussion among the team of doctors that care for DJ.  We talked about surgery, we talked about radiation, we talked about this and that and other options.  What has transpired for now is that the oncologist, the surgeon, and the radiation oncologist direct that DJ's treatment at first will be radiation to the spot(s) on the lung,  simultaneous to him taking chemotherapy in a pill form named Xeloda.  The radiation will occur approximately 35 times, Mondays through Fridays for 7 weeks.  That, together with Xeloda, may cause DJ to experience symptoms of nausea, diarrhea, constipation, fatigue and peeling of the hands and feet, among other thing - although I hope and pray and intend that the affects of these treatments will be manageable and not so horribly difficult for him to endure as was FOLFOX and FOLFIRI chemotherapy infused directly into his blood stream.  But we don't know how his body will react.  "We shall see." And I shall pray!!

The emotional climate in our home has changed very little; for one thing, DJ "The Rock" Bigelow just continues to put one foot in front of the other, to steadily move forward, to live in the moment, and to accept what comes his way.  I admire him deeply.  He is courageous and strong and practically un-rattled.  Another reason that we are not living under a cloud of gloom and doom is that not too much is changing for us, except that we expected him to return to patrol work with his department.  "We shall see."  His body looks and behaves with health and strength, he is not wasting away in sickness and disability, and to the naked eye "It's all good."  But  I guess that the main reason I feel peaceful and grateful and hopeful is that the LORD will never leave us or forsake us and the Presence of Jesus is always with us.  Aaaaa-men!

How about some family photos?  After temperatures in the 90's last week, a rain storm came upon us yesterday, and Caedmon was very happy for it!  Immediately upon arriving home from school, he changed into pajamas, requested hot chocolate, and settled down for some rainy day activity, pictured here.  How adorable!

Brooke Bigelow has been playing a casual season of FallBall softball, but we spent last weekend at a Breast Cancer Awareness fundraising tournament in Clovis, California, where her team earned first place.  Here she is, happily displaying her team's trophy.

Alexandra Bigelow is enjoying playing volleyball for Paso Robles High School's freshman team, and she really loves her drama class at school.  Here she is with her "nerdy" friend Bella (who had dressed up for "Nerd Day" at school.)

And here is a photograph of myself, Holly Bigelow, after I'd been painted up at Caedmon's school for a celebration of Dia de Los Muertos.  I'm not sure if it enhances my features or detracts from them. 

So there's what's happening for now in the Bigelow home.  It's the new normal!  We are blessed and sustained.  We are loved.  We love and appreciate you for loving us!  :-) 

Pictures from the Pumpkin Patch

Pumpkin Patch pictures are my 

VERY FAVORITE! 

"Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the sun...

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him...

The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; He is their stronghold in times of trouble.

The LORD helps them and delivers them; 

He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in Him."

~Psalm 37: selections~

Something about being cured!

Dear Everyone Whom We Love --

I am happy to report that 2.5 weeks after his most recent and the ultimate administration of this line of FOLFIRI chemotherapy, DJ Bigelow is regaining health and stamina - yahoo!  The effects of the drugs on DJ's body have not completely disappeared, nor do we expect that they immediately will; but it's so lovely that on September 19 (which also happens to have been Caedmon Van Bigelow's 8th birthday), a day on which DJ would usually have been infused with chemotherapy according to the 14-day cycle, he did not take treatment!  I pray and expect that as every day passes in which chemotherapy is not being put into his body, DJ will continue to heal and become increasingly healthy and strong!  We hope and pray that in another month's time he will be totally recovered from the effects of chemotherapy and able to return to work fully and completely (he continues to work "light duty" for now, as fatigue and other symptoms are still present). 

We did take a trip that day (Wednesday, September 19) to the oncology clinic to visit with Dr. Spillane, but it was a happy visit.  Dr. Spillane has scheduled DJ for a PET/CT scan early in October so that an inside look-see can be taken; of course, we hope and pray that no cancerous tumors will be found at any place in DJ's body.  DJ and the doctor discussed and planned a schedule for how often he will be infused with Avastin, the targeted, biological drug that is given for maintenance post-chemotherapy (and the schedule is that DJ will receive Avastin by infusion every third week for who-knows-how-long, perhaps a year).  But the wonderful thing for me is that Dr. Spillane used the word "cure" in a sentence!  I wish I had copied down his exact wording, as I do not recall what it was.  What Dr. Spillane did not say, if I remember correctly, is "I guarantee that you are forever cured of cancer."  What it may have been that he said was something similar to "I consider that you are cured and we will proceed in that manner".  Whatever he said, when I heard the word "cure", I raised my hands to heaven and let out a whoop of excitement!  :-)  After our time with the doctor, DJ did receive a 30-minute infusion of Avastin - but compared to 3-4 hours of chemotherapy infusion plus 46 hours with the pump of poison, it seemed like a breeze (to me, that is; DJ does not find much if any joy spending time at the clinic, since the sights and smells and feelings of being poked and the taste of saline as his port is flushed and all the things he experiences are associative to him of illness). 

I anticipate that DJ will be in maintenance mode for a time, i.e.  that scans will be performed and blood work will be monitored and Avastin will be administered often for the coming months; and that Dr. Spillane's office will continue to pay attention to DJ's body for however long they believe is good and necessary.  Some of my prior research indicates that a person can be considered to be in complete remission when cancer has been absent for at least 5 years (although Dr. Spillane did not give that specific time frame when we visited with him Wednesday).  I also realize that cancer has a way of nipping at one's heels, so to speak; that is to say, within my community of friends who have experienced it, there is often a continual awareness of the possibility that it can recur, and with some a nagging fear that it will.  I know that I don't know what the future holds; but who of us does?  Life is uncertain, whether or not cancer has been one's experience; but the LORD will never leave us or forsake us!  That's what I do know for surely sure!  We will not worry or be anxious; we will trust and not be afraid!   And I am grateful and glad that God's grace has carried DJ through to this point, and that God will carry us through to the end.  I am happy for treatment to be past and to be in maintenance mode for now.  I am happy for the presence of the Lord in every moment and every experience of our lives. 

"Let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy.  Spread Your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You.  Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; You surround them with Your favor as with a shield" (Psalm 5:11-12).

Thank you, dear friends and loved ones, for encouraging us, for praying for us, for supporting us with your love, for lifting our names before the Lord and taking our family to the throne of grace in prayer.  God's goodness is given to us through you.  We are grateful.  Aaaaaa-men! 

One week post-FOLFIRI

Dear Pump of Poison,

I am grateful for the blessing of modern medicine, technology, and the power that you have to rid one's body of cancer -  I just wish you were smart enough to discern the difference between my husband's cancerous cells and his healthy ones.  I'm so glad that his life is extended because of you; but you certainly wreak some havoc on his body!  Thank you for the service you have provided for us; and I hope that you go away and never come back!  :-)

Dear Dr. Spillane,

When DJ visits you next week to discuss his health and his future, what will you prescribe to him?  Will you tell him to continue coming every other week for 8 more treatments of Avastin?  I thought that the oncology nurse told us 2 months ago when DJ received his first administration of Avastin that the side-effects may be negligible, but my recent research suggests that otherwise possibilities exist. Dear Dr. Spillane, I pray that the LORD will give you supernatural insight and excellence in your work so that you may properly diagnose and successfully treat DJ and your patients; and I hope that you will leave DJ's body alone for a while so that he may recover from the affects of chemotherapy.  But I'm grateful for your desire to and helpfulness in ridding DJ's body of cancer.  Thank you!

Dear Jesus,

There are so many others who live with and endure treatments for various diseases, including cancer.  We need You, God!  Please grant us faith and grace and stamina and wisdom and patience and hope and glory and holiness and the desire to follow You no matter what may be.  Please fill our hearts and our bodies so abundantly with Your Self that You spill out of us when we are bumped.  We will trust in You.  We will worship and adore and follow and love You.  Thank You that we can know You and trust You no matter what ails us.   Aaaaaaa-men!

Numero Doce!!!

Dear Everyone,

Hooray!  How happy I am that this day has come!  Tomorrow through Friday (September 5-7) DJ is scheduled to take the 12th treatment of this line of FOLFIRI chemotherapy, which is administered in a 12-dose prescription.  Which means that, as far as I am concerned and hope and pray, tomorrow is the final chemotherapy treatment!  I pray that cancer will forever be dissolved and discarded from DJ's body and that this is truly the absolutely ultimate administration of chemotherapy; and I know that lots of things could happen in the future and that it is all a mystery to me; but I know that the LORD will never leave us or forsake us.  Whatever may be in the future, I rejoice that this week has come!  Yahoo!

Although FOLFIRI will end on Friday when DJ will, if the Lord wills, be disconnected from the pump of poison, I anticipate that he will feel ill for the next 5-10 days per usual, and that it may take a month or so for his body to regain complete strength to allow him to return fully to work.  I also speculate that Dr. Spillane will continue DJ on a maintenance drug called Avastin which was added to the regimen last month.  Avastin is not chemotherapy (which destroys rapidly-reproducing cells); it is a biological drug, a targeted therapy which aims to cut off the blood supply to cancer cells.  I guess that DJ may be asked to return to the clinic for 8-or-so more treatments of Avastin, which is given by infusion (as is chemotherapy).  But because Avastin is not chemotherapy, I trust that he will feel healthy and strong and regain vim and vigor!  I also suppose that Dr. Spillane will test his blood and perform scans and diagnostics at fairly regular intervals.  I will be sure to keep you informed here!

"And they're off!"  Brooke and Caedmon depart for their first day of school for the 2012/2013 year

In family news, here are some photos of the first day of school: last week, Alexandra Bigelow began her high-school career, Brooke Bigelow began her middle-school career, and Caedmon Van Bigelow began the second-grade.  Our three children attend three different schools, which I'm glad are all within the same town for the sake of my own sanity and well-being.  After 6 days thus far, they are adjusting marvelously.  :-) 

"I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.  I keep my eyes always on the LORD.  With God at my right hand, I will not be shaken.  Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let Your faithful one see decay.  You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand."  ~Psalm 16:7-11~

Aaaaaaaa-men!  Thank you for loving us! 

Summer Vacation

Dear People Who Love Us,

Please pardon me for taking an entire month to update and post to this site.  Here I am!  Here's the scoop:  DJ has continued to persevere through his every-other-week treatments of chemotherapy and to go to work on the week in which his health mostly returns.  The children and I have thoroughly enjoyed our days of summer vacation; but now the countdown has begun and we are gearing up to begin school next week on Monday, August 27. 

August 7, 2012: our family at the celebratory dinner of Alex's birthday at Big Bubba's Bad BBQ

Alexandra Bigelow, she who is headed to high-school for the first time, celebrated her 14th birthday in early August.  She is very excited to have been chosen to play on the Paso Robles High School freshman volleyball team!    Brooke will also begin attendance at a new school as she and her buddies have been promoted to 6th grade at Flamson Middle School.  Brooke and Caedmon took golf lessons this summer, something that makes their father incredibly happy and hopeful, and she is planning to play a session of Fall Ball (softball) this September through November.  Caedmon is our remaining elementary school child, and he is happy that his buddy Logan will be in the same second-grade class at Georgia Brown Elementary School.  He needs a haircut!  That's on my "get ready for back-to-school" list of things to accomplish in the next 5 days.

Brooke loves animals, and she was happy to spend time with this goat at the Living Desert Animal Sanctuary

Caedmon taking some practice swings on the golf course

Today will be DJ's 11th treatment of this line of FOLFIRI chemotherapy, which means that he is oh-so-close to completing the 12-treatment prescription.  YAHOOO!! 

Thank you for your love for our family, for your expressions of support and encouragment and service to us.  God's grace is beautifully granted to us through you, and I am humble and grateful.

The end, for now!  

Hooray for the upswing!

I am happy to report that after enduring the yuckiness that FOLFIRI chemotherapy is for DJ's body, after a week of this cycle he improved enough to return to work one week later.  What do you think about that 'stache?  :-)

Meanwhile, Alexandra Bigelow is visiting with her paternal grandparents and other relatives in San Jose, Brooke Bigelow set up a camping tent in our back yard and we enjoyed some time hanging out there together, and Caedmon Van Bigelow attempted "Mutton Bustin' " at the California Mid-State Fair right here in lovely Paso Robles.  Those lazy days of summer!  :-)  Thank you for loving us!

Number Eight, A Little Late

Hello, family and friends of the Bigelows!  Thank you for visiting us here!  :-)

Well, what we expected to be DJ's FOLFIRI treatment #8 on July 5 was put off a week, due to extraordinarily high enzyme levels in his liver.  We aren't exactly sure what caused the enzymes to soar to such incredible numbers - perhaps the virus that had been shared by many members of Brooke's softball team a few weeks prior?  Perhaps DJ's body is weary of the toxins accumulating in him due to chemotherapy?  We just do not know, but I was happy for an extra week of no treatment!

We returned to the Coastal Integrative Cancer Care a week later, and it was determined on Wednesday, July 11, that DJ's body was healthy enough to be poisoned some more - I mean, to take treatment #8.  His liver enzyme levels were still higher than normal, but not to such extreme heights.

Since then, I'm sorry to say, DJ has had a tough time.  Today is the 6th day of this cycle, and he usually begins to pull out of the ill affects better than he has this time.  Nausea has continued to trouble him, and I think that the digestive difficulties are beginning to move downward in his GI tract now.  Thank you for praying for him; please don't stop!

In other news, the children are enjoying an excellent summer vacation!  Various sports and hobbies and time with friends and VBS attendance and swimming and being lazy at home:  all of the good stuff of a summer holiday.  We are blessed beyond measure!

Why would Brooke Bigelow not smile for the camera?

Brooke, Caedmon, Alexandra and their mother (not pictured) enjoyed a game of  Settlers of Cattan
while DJ (not pictured) sat on the couch and tried to feel better.

"Do not withhold Your mercy from me, LORD; may Your love and faithfulness always protect me.  Be pleased to save me, LORD; come quickly, LORD, to help me.  

May all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; 

may those who long for Your saving help always say, 'The LORD is great!' "                

~Psalm 40:11, 13, 16~

Happy July!

Whereas today would generally be another start to a cycle of chemotherapy for DJ Bigelow, it's nice for his body that, due to a schedule change because of the Fourth of July holiday this week, he has been given 3 extra days of feeling good!  Chemotherapy treatment #8 (or 20, depending on how one counts) is scheduled for this coming Thursday, July 5; and as far as I'm concerned, I am happy for a few extra days of non-treatment!

I must say that I am enjoying the moments of this summer.  I am so grateful for the sunshine, warmth, light, school holiday, and my relatively leisurely life; for the love and the laughter and the friendships and the family that fill my heart and my home.  This photo is an example - as I walked the dog one morning last week, the beauty of this flower along the way overtook me.  I stopped to enjoy it's loveliness, and the moment seemed quintessential to how I am enjoying the moments of this season.  "Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace..."

Thank you for reading!  Happy July!

Seven Down, Five to Go

"Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.

Let us come before the LORD with thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song.

For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods.  

In His hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him.

The sea is His, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land."

Monday, June 11, 2012
DJ Bigelow enjoying a boat ride on Lake Nacimiento

Dear friends,  although DJ has not particularly enjoyed his return to chemotherapy because he has been negatively impacted by its ill affects, I am happy to report that today, Monday June 25, he is strong and able enough to return to work for this week.  His digestive system is not functioning at its best, but his side-effects are manageable.   He is strong and courageous.

Here are some photos of a fun time we enjoyed together with the Benyos a couple weeks ago.  In this photo, Brooke Bigelow is sporting her dad's sunglasses and ball cap, while Uncle Joe and Baby Brianna drive the boat and Auntie Crystal enjoys the ride, as DJ and Alexandra are pulled behind on a tube.  It was a lovely day!  Fun family togetherness :-)

Alexandra loves to ride on the tube

Caedmon and Kingston (Benyo) Rios joined Alex for a tube drag behind the boat.

Just for kicks, here is a photo of a salad of which I partook recently at one of my favorite local restaurants, Thomas Hill Organic Farms.  Yummy!  I love salad!

"Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker;

for He is our God and we are the people of His pasture, the flock under His care."

~Psalm 95~